it is overwhelming how various moments, people and objects appear/ happen in your life to mould you, teach you a lesson to ensure you grow over longs periods of time. after you have a serious of events, a few negative impacts, you start to question life and your purpose, naturally you turn inwards or start reassessing. i’m done feeling like this. i want to feel the best i can possibly feel. well that’s what happened to me anyway. over a few years i have slowly been delving deeper and deeper into my own thoughts and who i am. society teaches us who we should be, what we should be wearing, what time we should we go to work, what and when we should eat, who we should date, society even tells us when to have sex… like seriously what the fuck… in the end i wasn’t making any decisions for myself i was listening to everyone else and i was not happy. i was denying my own wants.
when i was in my late teens, even early twenties i had no idea who i was or what i wanted to be. all i knew was that i loved moving and making others feel good. i want you to stop for a moment. have a think. breathe. close your eyes. sit for a few seconds and ponder … what excites you? what are you passionate about? work out what gets you excited then go from there. break it down, pull it apart. rip it up. it may take a few experiences for to be able to do this. i started off with nursing first, then marketing and events then finally boom barre brisbane into soba. a timeline of these events nursing study 2009, marketing events 2012, barre brisbane 2016, soba 2018 – almost 10 years. if i had been willing i would have been able to delve deeper earlier on which would have saved me time and money but i don’t think i would have had the people, skills or experiences to teach me what i know to be able to run soba. my points so far, trust the process and be aware of what you want. not society. not your family. not your loved ones. you.
okay now my turn to open up even more. when i opened barre brisbane. i was shit scared. i had no idea how it was going to go. i had masked my passion calling it my side squeeze having a fall back option to protect myself. from my own fear based story of others judging me if i fail.
deep down i had the drive. i wanted this. i wanted it for me. my own thing. for me. my own space. to move. to feel good. i wanted to create a space that no matter what is going on in your life. you have the studio. your rock. your time. for you. i didn’t have a space like that. so i thought fuck it. to me there is something about a ballet barre that brings me back to my adolescents. my child hood. a super carefree time. i felt good standing in a studio. it was my natural habitat. my space for me. i had never done me before. i was excited.
at the beginning my version of success was a few things. success to me back then was being busy. was being able to indulge. was being a size 8. living in a cool house. having a cool car. having a puppy. being in a long relationship. i had all those things. i had a flourishing business. i thought is this it. but guess what i wasn’t complete and i wasn’t happy. i was comfortable. i was bored. i was like really this is it. complacent. not courageous. i had stop growing personally. i had stopped self development and my mind was craving it. i started noticing different things around me. my wants changing. my conversations having more meaning. i started listening. not just hearing truly listening. listening to my inner voice my own wants. not my ego. my true self and don’t get me wrong my ego is present every now and then but its about being aware of this and working out oh hey you again. i know you’re here. why are you here. what lesson am i learning. i make mistakes all the time but its about how quickly you pick yourself back up again and how you can ensure you don’t make these again. pain is growth baby.
so what i want to tell you is that the business is an extension of me and who i am. i have no idea of the direction that soba is going in over the next few years as i’m learning and i’m growing. but what i do no is i’m on a journey. a journey that i want to share with you. a journey of love. a journey of self discovery. a journey of trials. a journey of pain. a journey of uncomfortable conversations. a journey of growth. i want to share what is going on for me and what i’m experiencing as i feel we are all in this together and it can only benefit you and me to be sharing experiences.