i n t r o

if you told me twelve months ago i would be creating a baby some time soon, i would have questioned your sanity + insight, as the only growth i had foreseen was my business baby.

however, the universe has an incredible way of providing you with what you need precisely at the right time – null + void of your personal preferences.

throughout my teens + twenties, i hadn’t really given much thought into having children, or when the topic was up for discussion, i subconsciously assumed i would fall pregnant well into my mid-thirties.

nevertheless, recently punching thirty + witnessing some friends glow + grow some gorgeous little humans around me – which to be honest did give me all the feels seeing the little ones sprout from week to week – maybe my subconscious had a strategic plan for me all this time. maybe my hormones did take control. either way, little did i know, these little humans have been provoking me. boom! and there we have it – a baby is blooming.

as i’m typing away on my mac, i’m currently twenty-four weeks pregnant + can feel the odd kick from this little critter. i’m thinking the best way to explain my experience so far is to break it into stages that i feel are most memorable, real + refreshing. please do keep in mind these are true to my experience only + everyone can experience things differently. so here we go.

 

1.0 ignorance

ignorance is bliss! or was it denial? either way, a few slight changes i was enjoying but decided not to acknowledge. for instance, my breasts becoming abundantly buoyant (size b to an e). my sudden longing to stay at home every night with a night cap of ten hours of sleep. a nightly dinner date with my gut nourishing potatoes of rosemary + garlic.

this behavioural pattern went on for about six weeks, with me looking down one day noticing my monthly fruit juice was still present, however not so fruitful.

i knew i was pregnant in my mind, but to actually confirm it out loud would mean it was real.

 

2.0 acceptance

paul, my trusty partner in crime + i did the test on a friday night. the whole process was a mixed bag full of varying emotions (for me). paul, on the other hand, was super stoked, full of excitement – like straight away. the little positive sign appeared + he jumped up, gave me a high five as if the italian soccer team had won the world cup, started crying he was so excited. while i stood – not so fairytale like – cried in an excited, shocked, what the hell kind of way. my internal dialogue went something like this: “am i pregnant,” “omg i’m pregnant,” “holy shit is this happening,” “it’s happening,” “are we doing this,” “oh we are doing this.” i nervously said to paul, “i love you.” gave him a high five back + said, “what the hell, we are growing a baby.” whether i was making a statement or a question, still not sure.

after taking in all the feels, i was ready to let our parents aware of our little seed. we are lucky enough to have open-minded families, understanding that not being married or engaged, isn’t really an element for us at this point in time. as far as we’re concerned, creating a human with someone is one hell of a commitment. so, knowing we had their acceptance + support made things that much simpler.

 

3.0 baby effect (aka butterfly effect)

a theory that a single occurrence – no matter how small – can change the course of the universe forever.

the effects from this unborn baby is unlike any other. so far, the power of this little one is strong. my heart has found another beat that i could not have imagined before. growing life gives me a whole new reason to simply be. to stop. to honour life. this little source of existence places power lines between people. our parents, families, friends, even strangers. everyone is so supportive, the energy shared when people discover you are pregnant is pure love.

growing a mutual heart beat has meant growth for our relationship, we both have gone into overdrive with “the work” revolving around communication + understanding. being in tune with what the other person is feeling, why they’re feeling it + what they might need in that point in time. being able to understand we are in this together to grow this baby, takes a whole lot of effort from both parties.

 

4.0 allowance

if i could describe pregnancy in three words, they would be…

slow, surrender, self-compassion.

slow: i have had to learn to slow down with my every day pace + learn how to change my mindset of guilt or “not good enough” if i don’t achieve everything i want to. it’s a conscious effort to leave enough energy for myself + this baby.

surrender: letting go of how i think my day or week is meant to be. surrendering to the flow of the universe. this is a daily task i’m still mastering.

self-compassion: honouring my body + the baby for all the growing it is completing. allowing myself to indulge in stillness + feel good activities more. would you believe that growing a human inside of you is freaking intense work? i have to remember that i need stillness a lot more than i once did + it’s okay to love yourself more + more each day.

 

5.0 the side effects

[uncut edition]

boobs: growth (b – double e). boob sweat drives me insane, nipples expanding, nipples becoming a shade darker.

energy levels: decrease by at least seventy per cent. learning to only do one activity per day (maybe per two days).

food: started with very boring, bland + basic – things my stomach could keep down. now i listen to when i want to eat + what i want to eat. some days it’s chicken + veggie soup, other days it’s peanut butter on toast.

smell: enhanced dramatically. perfumes, sweat, alcohol (particularly when sweating out of creatures’ pores in class from the night before), foods (particularly blood in red meat).

morning sickness: i didn’t have it as hectic as some women do. roughly a weeks worth over the span of a few weeks.

ears: inconsistent loss of hearing in my left ear. apparently it’s due to the extra blood in my vessels, putting pressure on my ear canal.

stomach bug: in weeks 23 + 24, i’ve been really sensitive to a stomach bug. a lot of vomiting + diarrhoea. the longest stint was every two hours for twelve hours.

cramps: calf cramping in my sleep.

weird yoni cramps: vaginal + low abdominal cramps that feel like electric shocks.

short term memory loss: baby brain is a thing. massively. i forgot why i called the business SoBa when a creature asked.

mindset: massive changes – i’m finding i become overwhelmed quite a bit easier. as always, though, all i need to do is take my deep breaths + bring myself back to the moment.

medication: as in nil. zilch. fyi – you basically can’t take anything, no matter how sick. water + only if you absolutely need it – one panadol tablet.

hot/burny yoni: feeling like you have a uti, but you don’t. there’s a change in your ph levels + no cream works. so icepack or ice cubes for your lovely yoni.

emotional: the urge to cry has increased about good, bad + beautiful things.

lower back pain: wear proper shoes always. i have booked into either a pregnancy massage or osteopath appointment fortnightly to release the tension.

 

so that’s pregnancy so far for me.

even though everyone keeps telling me i have one – the “pregnancy glow” is bs.

it’s sweat, guys.