becoming a mother – the fourth trimester.

by ash daniec.

becoming a mother for the first time – you’re navigating a major life transition on little sleep + without the advantage of experience. but you adjust, your confidence grows + the stretches of sleep at night extend, slightly.

let go + surrender. words i have kept close to me during these last twelve weeks, reminding myself to flow, unravel, unfold – letting go of the person i was. the beauty of this process, was you have no choice. every day, you find yourself either flowing with the slowness or standing as your old self, with force.

as a new mother, your life is broken down to minutes of survival throughout each day. every decision you make now has an affect on the baby. i choose to flow with my baby, not against. harper’s priorities + needs are met before mine or anyone else’s.  our days are slower, softer + less stressful when i move with her.

the very first moment i held her in my arms, i felt a shift of purpose. i had a whole new perspective of the world, which i find difficult to explain when asked.

our first four to six weeks are all a blur to me now. i found this time mechanical – i didn’t initially feel a strong bond, more a drive to provide.  a determination fuelled me, my body felt pressure, pain + weakness.

at about six weeks, our relationship started to build. her eyes locking with mine for what feels like minutes at a time. her head nesting into my body, knowing it was her mamma.

in this time, i felt self awareness + self love has pushed me through. week to week, i experienced tears of happiness, uncertainty + exhaustion. having fulltime support from my partner for eight weeks enabled us, as a team, to ensure this place was a safe + loving space for our baby girl.

i decided not to read any books, or read any blogs + mother this baby instinctively. removing any of society’s pressures.

becoming a mother.

the birth of a new me.